Week Out With Rolls

Hey everyone, I know I didn't do a blog last week, basically lifes little drama's got in the way a little. I've been hugely busy with some unexpected events with my business over the past two weeks, so my apologies again.

It has also been a noisy couple of weeks as Tyler has been a little under the weather. Been very stuffy and making Darth Vader sounds while he breathes. He was clearly uncomfortable, so we were unsure if it was a cold, infection, bad tummy or anything. So we remembered what the pharmacist told us, we took him to the doctors to see what was wrong and what we could do.

After a trip to the doctors they did some checks on him and told us there was no infection, but he does have a bit of a sore throat. We were told to just keep using calpol and it should go away on its own.

I'm not surprised he felt a bit worse for wear as everyone else in the household has had some kind of bug the week or two before.

Luckily he is now very much on the mend and don't we know it! Definitely found his voice now, chatting away to us, toys and even himself constantly.

He's finally learned to roll onto his stomach and now he won't stop doing it, everytime we turn around after 5 seconds of him lying down he's on his front. The cute part is, you can tell he knows he needs to do something with his arms and legs when he's on his front to get moving, but he just can't figure out what. Half the time he looks more like he's trying to swim than crawl.

He is really starting to love his attention, which is great, but worrying at the same time. I'm getting slightly worried that he's going to start developing separation anxiety. Sometimes I feel like he is already starting to, at points he'll be quiet and as soon as we leave the room whining begins, not even proper crying.

This wouldn't be so bad and I would leave him to whine a little bit and get it out of his system, the only problem is, because he's learned how to turn over, he keeps trying to do it whilst in his seat! So the only way to be able to leave him there is to strap him in.

Sorry again for leaving you in the dark last week and hope you still stick with me on my journey, my project for the dad side of things has had to be put on hold for the time being, but will keep you updated still once it gets going again.

Thank You

Needles Needles Needles

Before we knew it, it was the day of injections again this week. It also didn't help that we were late getting out the door and as usual my local doctors was very late with our appointment, which only prolonged the unwanted suspense.

This was the biggy that we have been dreading. Three injections, two in one leg and one in the other. As usual Tyler was all smiles, which made us feel even more guilty about what we were about to let happen to him.

Andrea did opt to hold him this time, because of me feeling that Tyler would really hate me, as it seems every time we take him to this room daddy holds him while some woman sticks needles in him. Once in the room I could see Andrea really didn't want to be the one holding him so I told her it would be fine and I would hold him.

Just like the second lot of injections a few weeks ago, Tyler seems quite confused when he had the first needle as if it took a few seconds to process what this sensation was. By the time she had got the second needle he was well on his way to knowing it was pain and the crying and screaming was beginning.

I either calmed him or startled him with a few gentle bounces on my knee which calmed him just enough for the second needle. As soon as that one was done a quick pick up and spin round was once again enough to slow him down, so that the third could be done.

A couple of tears and a few hugs later we had him smiling again and ready to go. As we left we felt awful, yet relieved. It was horrible knowing we'd just put him in pain and that for the next day or two he was going to feel crap, but it was good to know that as far as injections go, that was it! Well at least until he's one.

Other than being a bit whiney for the rest of the day, there was no real difference in him. The difference came the next couple of days. The injections had done a bit of a number on him, he had a fever and was clearly quite uncomfortable, with his continuous stretching and straining, he was also quite miserable and at times it seemed nothing would calm him. After a little while I think the calpol had started to kick in and that combined with the jabs had pretty much knocked him out.

It is a horrible feeling sitting and getting his injections done, not once, but multiple times. It does make me wonder if he'll remember it and a "will he develop a hatred for me" frame of mind, but the answer is  simply, no.

His love for me has grown, as has mine and I can now finally feel like he does know me and love me. The laughs, the smiles, the excitement created when me or Andrea do simple things or even just enter the room.

I can't explain the feeling of watching our little man grow day by day, not only physically, but mentally. To be creating this wonderful personality. All I can really say is I wouldn't have it any other way.

Thank you for joining me again this week and I hope you join me again next friday.

Chatter, chatter! And we're nearly live!

This week has definitely been far from a quiet one! Although not in a bad way. Tyler has been more chatty than ever, whether it be talking to one of us, or just making noises to himself whilst watching tv or playing on his mat or even when he is supposed to be sleeping.

He's starting to giggle a lot more and is definitely starting to find his voice and how to make the different sounds. Much like he's doing at the moment whilst sitting in front of me watching me type this blog.

He is continuing to be a little fatty! Enjoying pretty much every flavour of food we give him and wolfing it down. He's been absolutely brilliant with his food, even learning very quickly to hold his mouth open when the spoon is coming toward him, even seeing the bowl he gets excited.

Next week is again injections time, a time I'm not looking forward to at all. I'm hoping that like last time he can be quite placid about it, now that he's got even more fat to cushion the needle!

We've also received some photo's we had taken by my very good friend Sally Evans at Sally Evans Photography. I was more than pleased with how they came out and should be viewable to everyone very soon.

As to what I have been working on for a while now is setting up a website, to help new parents and parents-to-be with pregnancies. This blog will be continued on the site along with helpful tips and advice.

The first stages of the site should be up soon and I will keep you posted on its progress.

Again please do comment and share.

Thank you for joining me again this week and I look forward to talking to you again next week.

Chasing Gooses with Rolls

Well we went on somewhat of a wild goose chase this week. Tyler had been acting a bit odd with his sleeping pattern and the way he was acting, seemed weird. At times it felt upsetting for me and I know Andrea felt the same, we were confused and spent time trying to erase what could possibly be causing it.

We thought maybe it was because we'd just started him on rusks and it was his digestive system getting used to new foods. Our only thought with this, is he's really started to enjoy eating his rusks and gets really excited when he can see it coming.

We thought maybe it was because we stopped giving him infacol and any calpol. So to be safe we remembered what the pharmacist said to us a few weeks ago;
"If you are worried about absolutely anything, don't feel silly or worry what they will think, if you have concerns arrange an appointment and get it checked."

So we got there, the nurse checked him over and said that medically everything was absolutely fine, offered a few different suggestions and we were on our way.

Slightly relieved it wasn't a medical condition we sat to think about what it could be. We found it odd that he was getting back to his self again, he seemed happy again so it almost seemed like a phase. Then it struck us, midweek we up'd his feed, since that point he went back to his normal self.

We came to the conclusion it must of just been that the feeds we were giving him just weren't satisfying him. Little fatty is getting his dads appetite by the looks of it.

I was wondering what else I could talk about in this blog, but yesterday I was handed something to talk about by Tyler. After making progress through the week on using us to start pulling himself up to a seated position, then even managing pulling him self forward once or twice. Even though he was leaning back on our legs, we saw this as quite an achievement for the little guy. All this was good enough, but then yesterday, my mother was playing with him on his play-mat and out of the blue, for any of you who have me on twitter would know he rolled from his stomach to his back!

Now at first it doesn't sound like much, but it's weird how something so small can make you so chuffed inside. At that point I was a very proud daddy!

Thank you for joining me again this week on my journey and I actually managed to get this one out on time!

Please do comment let me know your thoughts, share it about and I look forward to you joining me next week.

Rusks and Almost there!

So firstly, apologies, I am a day late with this blog, I thought I would get a free moment yesterday, but unfortunately didn't.

Anyway! Now that is out the way on with how Tyler and ourselves are.

This week although 'officially' we aren't supposed to, we've started giving him little bits of baby rusks. We did talk about it before hand and even spoke to my parents and Andrea's parents, we found out that both of us started on the rusks younger than Tyler is now despite rusks saying you should wait until they are 4 months.

After an unsure start and a couple funny faces being pulled Tyler really started to like it. Smiling and sometimes laughing whilst eating it.

Maybe being slightly keen we've already been out and picked an array of flavoured jared foods that he can try once he's a little more used to it. I have to admit I am excited about seeing what he's into and what he isn't, an seeing his little personality evolve.

A fun fact from the other day, we measure him. Remembering he was 45cm when he is now 58cm long and, although we haven't been yet to check, he must of more than doubled in weight!

I've spent a lot of my time this past couple of weeks making sure I can get everything together to hopefully start revealing more details of it over the coming weeks.

I know I keep saying this, but I am getting closer to revealing it all I promise!

Thank you for being patient, and thank you for joining me again for this late, short, blog and I hope you join me again next week.

Injections Take 2!

Immunisation week. Not the week I wanted to come around at all! Dreading it all week it finally dawned upon us. We had opted not to give him calpol before and just have it ready sitting and waiting for when we got back.

On the way there and whilst sitting in the waiting room, I have to admit the thought of it was starting to make me feel sick. The fact that my doctors never see you when they say they are going to didn't help, so we had an extra 20 minutes sitting, waiting.

We both felt like we didn't have much to say, we both just had this fear and guilt of what we were about to put him through. The guilt was heightened by him having a really good, smiley morning and was still smiling away at us in the doctors.

Eventually we were called into the nurses room. We sat in there and Andrea was already starting to get teary, at which point the nurse asked if she would like to wait outside, which she agreed to do and left me with Tyler and the nurse. I can understand her reasonings why as I know she felt more emotional towards it than I did. I was more in the frame of mind of; 'It needs to be done, so let's get it over with.'

The nurse injected him with the first needle whilst he was smiling away at me, I braced myself for the worst. Expecting screaming and crying I was greeted with more of a confused face as to what just happened, not wasting this moment I span him round to get the other injection done as quick as possible.

The injection was made and at that point I think he realised what happened, he had a little cry, so I stood up and hugged him to try and comfort him. Within no more than a few seconds he was smiling away at me again. Andrea came back into the room, and she was as shocked as I was.

He was back to smiling away at the nurse, it was as if it had never happened. The relief was amazing, we felt like so much had been lifted.

Since the injections he hasn't been too different, I think its hit his immune system a little as he's been sleeping a lot more. At points he will wake up late for his feed clearly feeling uncomfortable, whether it be from the injections or hunger pains, so at the moment we just make sure he feels loved and as ok as we can.

I haven't forgotten about the project of been dying to speak of, I've just been trying to get everything ready to be able to show you all, I'm am drawing ever closer and I'm very nearly there. So a couple more weeks and hopefully I can start revealing things to you!

As always thank you for joining me on my journey and I do hope you stick with me and continue to support me. I look forward to you joining me next week on this life changing ride into parenthood.

Smiles, baths and an uncertain week ahead

Tyler has finally started to find his voice. We have had a few proper laugh's, which are possibly the cutest thing I have ever seen. You can see him trying to experiment with different noises, making noise whilst moving his mouth around and creating different shapes with it to get a different sound out.

The other day it sounded so much like he was singing to himself in his sleep, little murmurs every few seconds with each deep breathe.

Bath time is starting to be enjoyed. Splashing, smiling and giggling is always involved not just from Tyler, but from myself and Andrea as well.

We have had to make sure he stays warm though as he's had a bit of a cold, not surprising as I and Andrea have both had one. Its made him a little ratty and sneeze and cough a bit, but not nearly as bad as I thought he would be.

Next week we are both dreading as its immunisation time again! Andrea refuses to talk about it as she doesn't like thinking about it. I'm not looking forward to it myself as I know how much discomfort and how scared it made him last time.

I remember walking away thinking, because I was holding him, he is going to hate me now. I know I'm going to feel so guilty again and I'm hating the thought of having to hold him and watch him from having big smiles on his face, to screams and tears.

I was talking to friend of mine about it and she gave me some advice which I now have a conflict of feelings toward. She said, 20 minutes before the injections, give him calpol and it will help ease any pain or discomfort when they are done. Although in the same breath she told me that the midwife would tell us not to do this as they say it may dilute the stuff they inject him with, stopping it from working properly.

I would love to know if anyone else has an opinion on this or any other suggestions on what to do.

We did manage to enjoy our night out for my birthday, although Andrea did leave early, because she just felt really bad and missed him too much. I don't want to sound like I didn't miss him because I did, a lot, but I did stay out and enjoy my night.

So far we've found a larger feed at night doesn't always lead to a longer sleep at night, but a bath tends to settle him for longer. Slowly, but surely we are getting closer to a full nights sleep.

Thank you for joining me another week on my journey and I hope you are back with me next week, when I may possibly have more new on my project which I will be pushing out.

Great Sleep & Good Bonds

Last night I received a pleasant surprise. Tyler slept through for 9 and a half hours! Happy days, god knows why, but he did. Hopefully going to start trying to make this a regular occurrence. It may have something to do with seemingly stupidly thirsty the night before so we gave him a little more milk than he'd usually have.

Is this the answer to a longer night? A slightly larger feed before bed? I suppose we will have to put it to the test and see what happens. I will keep you posted on his progress.

Tonight is going to be an odd night, with it being my birthday on tuesday we are going to make a night of it tonight so I don't disrupt work in the week. This will be our first night out in about a year or so, time without Tyler being with us 24/7 is weird enough as it is. But to go out drinking, having a good time and trying not to worry about him for one reason or another is going to be difficult.

I'm hoping it will get easier as the night goes on much like valentines day. The daunting thing though is we won't be returning before midnight this time, luckily my mum has generously and happily offered to take care of him for the night so we can go out and try to enjoy ourselves.

I will write it now, mainly to remind myself, but it is Mothers Day on the 18th. It'll be the first time I have bought a mothers day gift for someone other than my mother and I'm stuck for ideas, I struggle enough trying to find something for my own mother.

I feel I'm finally settling into parenthood, being able to handle my stresses a lot better. This past couple weeks has generated a lot of stresses and issue's on the work side of my life. I've managed to channel these negative feelings and not let them come into my life with Tyler, so I feel like I'm finally finding my balance.

I still say to people now even after all this time, none of this feels real. I feel like its a prolonged babysitting session or something to that effect.

Saying this I think it is starting to set in, now that I'm starting to feel more and more connected to Tyler. I finally feel like he recognises me and that he likes it when I play with him and hold him, I finally feel like I have a proper bond. The other day I had a long day out working followed by a night out working, I didn't make it home till late at night. Tyler was still awake when I got back, when I walked in and sat down, he heard my voice and saw me and wouldn't take his eyes off me. I picked him up to give him a hug as I'd missed him and he just wouldn't stop smiling!

It gives you one of those feelings you can't understand until you experience it.

Thank You for reading, please do stay with me on my journey, comment and share. I hope you join me again next friday.

Reflection and Wonder

Not much has gone on over this past week or so. This has given me time to look back and reflect on how far we have already progressed in just under 10 weeks since Tyler made his appearance.

Spending time with my new-found nephew made me realise how big Tyler is now. My nephew was born 6lb 14 when he was born and Tyler was 5lb 5. Tyler felt huge compared to this newborn. It seems I still haven't fully adjusted and its only just occurred to me that still, after all this time, it still doesn't feel real. It doesn't feel like he's really ours. It almost feels like an extended baby sitting session.

When my son was a newborn he was just about hitting the half way point when lying down in the moses basket, now he's nearly scraping the top of it. It'll be very soon we will have to start moving him into his cot.

When he would fall asleep on my chest he would just about cover my chest. Now he is pushing his feet down on my legs trying to stand himself up, and doing quite a good job at it too. He's getting extremely good at hold his head up and looking around, he' so aware of his surroundings and what is going on.

He loves being sat up so he can look around by his own free will and can spot a TV in any room within seconds of being in it. He's definitely mine, he loves watching the tv and laptop or computer screens if anyone is on youtube.

His feeds are like clockwork, accept at night, he has started to push for 6-7 hours at night time which is brilliant for us, any extra sleep is a bonus. Although also like clockwork he is up without fail at 8am every morning, not that much of a problem, but becoming a morning person is quite a challenge when I have spent my life doing quite the opposite.

He is a very happy independent and smiley baby and I really couldn't be happier with him. My job now is to make sure he grows up carrying on to be happy, learning trust, respect, manners and honour. I can't help but feel like the world is against me on that full of greed, violence and hate, some nice people, but a lot of evils ones too.

I suppose now its my job to teach him, nurture him and protect him. Despite this being a daunting task considering what I've already mentioned, I am more than ready to take it on and do everything I can to bring up my son to be the best man he can be.

Thank you for continuing to join me, please do share and stay with me and together we can hopefully help a lot of scared and nervous men.

Needles & New Life

We've had a very eventful couple of weeks, I think its best to start with the bad and end on a high.

Firstly we had immunisations... This is never a good thing, two big needles in each leg. Now Andrea already knew she wouldn't handle it very well so had to turn away and get me to hold Tyler while he had them done. It is a very horrible experience and I feel sorry for the nurse who has to do this on a daily bases.

It goes against every instinct you have to watch someone harming your child. Andrea got teary and after explained how horrible she felt and continually felt like the pain he suffered was her fault. I tried to stay very realistic about it and understand that although it has hurt him for the moment, he is crying and very scared, we need to comfort him as they will be good for him in the long run.

I said to Andrea that I would rather see him in pain and be ratty for a day or two, rather than in a couple months maybe years, see him in a hospital bed seriously ill!

For the next couple days he did seem very scared, slightly uncomfortable and very jumpy. Gradually it has gone away and he is more smiley than ever, the whole situation has passed him by and were not even convinced he remembers it at all. The only down side to all this is in 4 weeks time he has to have 2 more injections, then 4 weeks after that another 3.

On the upside when the doctor was doing her checks and making sure he was okay we were very chuffed with what she told us, everything was fine and working as it should and Tyler was quote; "Perfect. He is a model baby". That for us felt really reassuring knowing everything was okay and we were doing everything right.

Also on top of all this yesterday I became an uncle for the second time! Babies everywhere at the moment! I will get to meet my new nephew for the first time tonight, I will be interested to see if my brother and his girlfriend endure any of the same or similar things we have over the past 8 weeks or so, also how they deal with thing different to us and the results it achieves.

Thank you for following my journey, please do comment, share and follow, help me to reach as many other dads, dads-to-be as possible to continue to help others with my experiences and hopefully soon much more!

I look forward to seeing you all next week. (Metaphorically of course)

The Week of Love

So the week of love has not long passed with the over commercialised valentines day at its peak, every couple we know planning things and going places and yet we stand here not knowing quite what to do or where to go.

Granted the week before we had some rough arguments which were starting to scrape the limits of our relationship. After taking time to calm down and talk civilised we agreed that maybe what we need was some time together, away from the house, maybe to an extent away from Tyler.

As we hadn't really been out other than when we've had to since Tyler was born and when Andrea was heavily pregnant, a sense of confusion and the feeling of being lost struck us. It almost seemed reminiscent of the first proper night out you have once you've hit 18, the feeling of I've got the whole wide world available at my feet... So where do I go?

After talking the idea over with my parents they agreed that it was the space away from every day life is probably what we needed and were more than willing to look after Tyler, to the point that when we mentioned the idea my mum pounced on him with joy and wouldn't put him down!

So valentines day was upon us and as we were getting ready to leave there was an uneasy feeling over the both of us, as this was the first time we'd both left Tyler to have some 'us' time. It felt kind of selfish, yet I was curious to see if and how our feelings would change once we were out... Andrea, not so much.

As soon as we left the house I know she started to feel regret and started to miss him a lot and that feeling stayed with her for a good hour or so. I also missed him, but wanted to give this 'us time' theory a chance. We had chosen to have a nice quiet few drinks, candle lit table and what seemed like a fishbowl full of cream, ice cream and chocolate cake!

We gradually settled in to the night and really started to enjoy it. It also gave us a chance to talk properly and really open up about some of our feelings about things in life. In all I'd say the 'us time' theory was a complete success! Since valentines day we've got on a hell of a lot better, we've been able to talk and help each other a lot more.

Tyler is starting to get more ratty as the days go by, were playing around with different ideas of why this is. He seems to have quite a bit of wind which he seems uncomfortable shifting, so one thought is that the colic is on its way back, so for this we have started giving him infacol again and the odd bit of gripe water on his dummy every now and then. The other we thing it may half be down to boredom, as he tends to be very smily, playful and less ratty when we are playing with him. Just with me working from home and Andrea trying to help around the house it's hard for us to constantly be playing with him.

If anyone else is or has had a similar experience I'd love to hear how you coped.

My little project is moving in leaps and bounds and the closer we get to Fathers Day (June 17th) the more that will be revealed.

Thank you for joining me again this week and continuing my journey with me. I hope you join me again next week.

Fatty Baby!

Tyler had his 6 developmental check a few days ago. Not quite sure what this entailed we went along even if we were slightly late. It was fairly straight forward and simple, they checked his strength and how well he held his head, which Tyler has done stupidly well from birth, then it was just questions how well mother was coping, how often baby was feeding, etc, etc. Again no questions aimed at dad, so for me was another fly on the wall moment.

I understand that its one hell of an experience for mother and baby to go through and that they do need to be checked to make sure every thing's okay, but I also believe that there should be something for the dads too. Being at the birth and the sudden change of lifestyle to a baby being around, no matter how much you've prepared yourself, it has a deep effect on the mental stability of the dad. Well it did with me, maybe not all people, but I'm sure there are others that feel the same. I know I've said in earlier blogs the mixture of emotions, feelings, thoughts and doubts that flooded my mind, but I am yet to see anyone in a professional position to acknowledge that it may have a phycological effect on a man and yet to find anything to help combat or help these feelings and fears.

I digress. Back to the clinic. The moment we were mainly waiting for had now come where there were going to weigh Tyler. Slightly excited we were trying to peer over to the digital display to see how much he weighed before she told us.

Now baring in mind a month and a half ago Tyler was born 5lb 5oz. He now weighs 8lb 13oz! Little fatty has been at the bottle like no ones business! He is on the right tracks and its all looking very positive for him.

Once the colic had gone we continued to give him the infacol for a little while longer just to be sure. A few days later I started to realise that infacol is made to help release the trapped wind that colic creates, but now the colic had gone, releasing the wind was seemingly making Tyler uncomfortable and at some points almost looked like he was in pain by straining too much. It was at this point I decided to stop the infacol, although it was a godsend at first it was now becoming as much of a problem as it was the solution.

Since then he's been a lot happier, most of the uncomfortableness has gone, the poo's are returning to normal as they were more runny before (an event I try to stay well clear from).

All in all everything is looking positive right now, my little project is also now moving in leaps and bounds and I've set myself some goals and dates with everything I'm planning and I will hopefully be able to let you all know in the very near future and I'm hoping you we all help me spread the word and get all this out to help as many scared, worried or concerned fathers and father-to-be's in any city, any region and any country.

If I can help one other dad to feel better about things and have the reassurance I wanted and often still do want, then all this and everything I am planning has been worth it.

Thank you for reading and I hope you continue this journey with me next week.

Sleep and Real Smiles!

I've now read a few of these blogs back now and started to realise that the general feeling of them is negative, filled with drama and obstacles, well... I suppose that's what you should expect from life itself not just having a child, but still I wanted to bring something positive to the table this time round.

I was trying to find something positive that I could say enough about to be able to write this blog, there was many little things here and there, but nothing of massive significance that I could write a few paragraphs about which I haven't already mentioned in other blogs.

This was all up until yesterday. The first smiles were rolled out in force and they haven't stopped since. At first it was cute, but we played it off as just wind as he tends to have a lot which can be quite hilarious at the right times. Accept this time round there was no wind, just smiles, a few playful noises and what seemed for the first time a visually emotional baby.

We've not stopped trying to make Tyler smile since and he loves it! On the outside its sweet, fun and gives a good feeling, but emotionally as a dad it goes a lot deeper than that. It almost feels like were getting recognition for the good things we do, where as before we'd question ourselves at whether we were doing the right things and if the way we were going about it all was right.

Seeing him smile (as cheesy as it sounds) brings a warmth inside I just can't quite explain. I believe its one of those moments you have to experience for yourself to fully understand what I mean. The joy of knowing that what you're doing or saying is making that little being smile, no longer just on the inside, but for the world to see as well, it can get a little overwhelming at points.

Not only have the smiles been out in numbers, but he seems a much more playful baby, I'm not sure whether this is more of an illusion created by the smiles and we just perceive it as more playful or whether he genuinely is just more playful.

Now the colic is finally fully out of his system days and more importantly nights have become a lot easier! We've managed to make it to 4 hours between feeds now, which still doesn't sound like much, but after all these night of patchy sleep it's amazing how much the extra hour at a time helps.

Not only is he sleeping now longer in the night, but he's also becoming less hassle, he seems less interested in screaming the house down during a midnight change of the nappy, he settles a lot better in the moses basket, where-as before getting him to settle whilst lying flat in the moses basket was one of the hardest things to do and for many nights would take us hours!

All-in-all it has been a very positive week or so, with Tyler and with the progression of taking this blog to new heights!

The whole process so far of trying to juggle work, social and family life has been difficult... Very difficult at points, it has been exhausting, it has been extremely emotional and forever draining, but every single second has been worth it, especially to now see that smile on his little chubby face, makes all of it, the screaming, the fighting, the arguing, the lack of sleep, the late nights, all of it worth it. I can proudly say, hand on heart, I would not change any of this for the world.

Thank you for reading and I hope you join me next week.

Isolation & the Next Step

Not long ago the health visitor visited to check up to see if everything was okay with the baby and that we (more so my partner) were coping alright. It only occurred to me over the past couple days the reason, at times, why I've felt so distant from this whole situation.

Every midwife appointment, every visit, every consultation, even talking to the staff during and just after the birth, I've always left feeling slightly lost, a little disconnected from everything thats happening around me.

My theory has come down to, its how all these people have treated or spoken to me. I don't know if it's because I'm not a husband or the fact I'm a young dad or whether none of these factors play a part what-so-ever and everyone just gets treated this way.

I found that while in the company of these people of various professions, I was practically ignored, they looked through me, I felt like a fly on the wall to another single mum story. The few that did speak to me didn't say much more than; "Are you dad?".

I understand their priorities lie with the baby and the mother due to the experiences they've just had, but at the same time being there witnessing everything and at the same time being treated this way has had quite a negative impact on myself emotionally.

I suppose this is just one of those things that you just have to deal with, let it pass you by and not let it bother you. If anyone else has felt like this I would love to hear from you and likewise if your experience was the opposite, I'm curious to hear people stories and see if it is almost as if men are looked at more as a phase rather than a father.

I know I mentioned last week I'm hoping to develop a few things and I am still working on it, I really want to take this blog to the next level and develop it to try and create the community I mentioned in the very first. I've been spending a lot of time developing some ideas building some foundations and meeting up with different people to help build my vision.

I can't say too much more for now, but hopefully it won't be much longer till I can reveal all. I do need your help! I want this to reach as many people as possible to help as many people in my situation or people in other situations who may still find these blogs helpful. I need everyone who reads to please share, comment, spread the word.

I understand there are a lot of dads/dads-to-be out there who like me are a little clueless and like me are very scared about what is about to happen or is currently happening. Some people admit it, some people don't want to,  some don't want to admit it to themselves, but I think at some point were all a little scared. If we can help just one person to ease that fear and give a little help just by seeing someone is experiencing similar things or feeling similar ways, then I think it's all worth it, don't you?

Sorry this blog came a little late like I said I've been very busy on hopefully what will be an exciting future and the next step of the journey for me and I hope you all continue to follow me and join me on this road of parenthood, as I said please do comment and share this around.

Thank You

Colic & Smiles

Just when I thought I was getting to grips with baby screams and realising it doesn't mean they're in pain, Tyler managed to get colic. 


Colic
nounsevere, often fluctuating pain in the abdomen caused by intestinal gas or obstruction in the intestines and suffered esp. by babies.
In other words, baby screams and cries a hell of a lot more than usual, unfortunately there's not much you can do to help them immediately. Once we discovered what was wrong we got hold of some gripe water from the shop as quick as we could. Now you're not meant to use gripe water until the baby is a month old, but he was about 6 days away from being a month old and we were only planning on using drops. Now this helped, but not much.
Each scream seemed to last forever and the cries became unbearably upsetting at points to listen to and would come completely at random. One moment he's sitting there happy and the next its like he's been shot, his back arches, his face screws up and out belts this screech of pain.
You want to react, you want to hold him and make it all better, the worst part is knowing you can't, it becomes much harder at night, now not only trying to wake people up, but being half asleep feeding a screaming baby is extremely difficult to do, physically and mentally.
It has made it all that bit more exhausting, draining and difficult to adjust, But hope was not yet lost! My mum mentioned something I remember reading about on some forums on the internet, it's called 'Infacol'. We've found its not only cheaper than gripe water, but it has worked a load quicker and better too!
All the late nights and lack of sleep has really took its toll on both myself and my partner. We have been arguing more because of it and it has put a strain on the relationship, but at the end of the day we both have to remember, we are both very tired, hormones are still shooting round her body and will be for the first 6 months after birth, I'm am now also back at work and trying to find the balance between work and social which can be stressful. 
We are both to blame, but the key thing I have found that if both of us can do our best to stay calm, just talk and be open about what is bothering us, then 90% of the time we can have a positive outcome. 
Before I dump all over peoples wants for a family and children, it isn't all bad! Tyler is becoming a lot more alert now he can see properly, his reactions are getting better, he's gradually starting to smile more.
Without trying to sound too fruity, I've never felt as much warmth inside as I do when I see Tyler smile. It makes all the hard times and obstacles to overcome worth it just to see his smile.
It makes me determined to do all I can to keep that smile plastered on his face as he grows, and in return there will be a smile always with me too.
Thank you again for joining me on my journey through the 'ever-feared' parenthood.
Please do comment, talk to me, tell me your stories, your experiences, your advice, ask questions and we'll see how we can all help each other.
I'm currently looking at taking this blog to the next level over the coming months, but while I'm developing the idea's I don't want to give too much away and will let you know more as it progresses.
Thank You.

Long days, longer nights

After what was one of the best nights sleep I've ever had due to exhaustion, I hastily made my way back up to the hospital in the morning. I navigated my way around the endless hospital halls before I eventually found the ward with my partner in. It was very quiet a couple of other mums and babies in there, yet a peaceful silence.

I lent around the curtain to find my partner asleep on the bed, I couldn't help but think; she must be absolutely knackered. Tyler started to stir and slowly wake, so I picked him up and sat by Andrea's side on the bed. After a few minutes she awoke to me sitting staring at this new life in wonder.

After check-ups, hearing tests, reflex tests, etc on Tyler and a check-up on Andrea we eventually got to go home with our new son. The moment we got home and sat down we all had a wave of relief submerge us. Yet we knew the real hard work was yet to begin.

I've always been one of those guys who if I ever held a baby I was fairly scared to move thinking I would break it, but annoyingly the old cliche' when they say; it will all come naturally, in my case was true. I felt so comfortable holding Tyler right from the start.

The first couple of night were very difficult. Tyler was trying to adjust, as were we. I'm not entirely convinced he knew what he wanted half of the time. I can definitely say he is a baby for attention though, as the only way we found we could settle him for the first few days was to hold him.

If you put him down at all the screaming would begin once again. We spent the nights taking shifts, where one of us would stay up while he slept on our chest and the other would get some sleep. After a few hours we would swap, it seemed the only way we could get any rest.

In the day Tyler is a very quiet and content baby, he doesn't need much attention and is just happy to get on with things, but during the night can still be a bit of a pain. We found a way to get him to sleep which sometimes works and sometimes doesn't. We have him lie on the bed with us whilst we calm him and once he falls asleep, we very gently place him back into the moses basket.

Other things which can work on and off is singing to him, playing music to him, rocking him, etc.

So far what I've learnt is, to try and understand what a baby wants, unfortunately is just a case of trial and error, until you begin to understand the routine that they get into and even then it's 50/50 if you're right or not. With this comes a lot of screaming, which is very hard to be around. Not so much because of the noise, but because you feel as if your child is in pain and you don't like seeing them that upset, but you have got to remember, they're not in pain, they just need you to help them with what they want and to help them understand what they need.

Thank you for reading again this week. Please do continue to help me by commenting, sharing your advice, stories, thoughts and experiences. Hopefully you will join me again next week as we continue this journey into life.

Tylers Debut

We'd joked for a long time about Tyler being born on christmas day, but I was convinced he would be much earlier. As the days drew ever closer to christmas day I did start to get a little unsettled... What happens if it is christmas day? How do we deal out presents? What's going to happen with birthday parties?... All questions which to be honest are currently irrelevant, yet still plagued my mind at the time.

Christmas day came and no signs of him so I was quite relieved, we had a nice day and settled in for a quiet night... Or so we thought. At 4:30am I was awoken by my partner saying she was getting pains again and she thinks it may be the real thing this time. Having had false alarms and fake contractions (braxton hicks) in the days/weeks leading up to this point I wasn't totally convinced and told her to stay calm, try to rest and we'll see if it progresses this time.

We both settled back into bed... Well I say both, being the time it was and the fact I'd had a couple of drinks during christmas day I didn't find it too hard to drop back off to the land of nod. Andrea on the other hand didn't find it so simple.

An hour or so later I was awoken again to see her clearly in a bit of discomfort. She told me that she hadn't been back to sleep and at this point we were very certain it was now the real thing. Excitement, fear and anxiousness quickly set in as 'what to do?' went through my head.

Still living with my parents I thought it wise to tell them what was happening, my mum came and stayed with us as she was going to accompany us to the hospital.

We tried to stay at home as long as possible as we knew if we go in too early there is a high chance we would of been sent back home. It finally reached a point where we thought we were going to need the hospitals assistance, so we left en route to Coventry hospital.

We found out that she was 3cm dilated when we got to the hospital and the next 2cm took a few long hours of gas and air and contractions to reach the half way stage. From this point everything shifted a gear and within 20 minutes we were 7cm.

We were took into a different room where they started to try to keep an eye on the babies heartbeat. This became difficult with contraction and baby moving so they decided to put a clip on his head to give a more accurate reading of his heartbeat that we could here as clicks. By this point the contractions were getting pretty intense.

We noticed that every contraction, the heartbeat would slow dramatically, sometimes it even stopped until after and then slowly started to pick up again. They didn't say anything, but it was clear by the midwives faces that this was something that was serious.

We were now at 10cm and ready to go, the midwife, still very concerned about the heartbeat hit the emergency button on the wall and told us that a few doctors and midwives would be in just now. There was a lot of noise and people stormed the room with all this equipment and running around and we were pretty clueless to what was happening or about to happen.

All the information we had (which really annoyed me) was a midwife in a calm voice repeating about 4 times "oh, he doesn't seem to want to come out yet, were just going to help him"!

I kept looking back at my mother and then Andrea. My mum had to keep turning away in floods of tears,  Andrea was screaming in pain, I was scared and I also felt angry, all this pain and fear and being powerless to help in any way shape or form. It was the hardest and scariest thing I've ever had to do in my life. Even thinking back to it all now makes me emotional.

Tyler got stuck on the way out and the doctor had to make an incision to help, how he got stuck I have no idea as he is only 5lb 5oz, such a tiny baby.  The doctor put the forceps on his head ready to help him out when he shot out, the doctor pretty much had to catch him! They quickly cleaned him off a little and placed him on my partners chest.

His eyes wide open, skin a greyish blue colour.. But no noise. Now I'm not usually an emotional person and I am usually quite hard faced, but by this point with all this drama I'm now at breaking point, the scare still isn't over, he hadn't moved, he just looked shocked. We didn't know if our baby was lying there dead or alive.

One of the midwives rushed him back over to a heated table. Whilst they'd started stitching up Andrea we heard one cry from our son. At this point relief hit us like a bus. Even though it was just one cry, we knew he was alive and ok. Everything calmed down at this point, people started leaving the room, the doctor was finishing up the stitches and I got to let go of Andrea's hand for the first time in 4 hours to cut the cord.

By this point I was in floods of tears, tears firstly of fear, now of relief and joy. Andrea already started telling me she didn't remember it because of the gas and air. She said she felt him slip out and felt a huge relief and felt fine. We laughed about it as thats pretty much all we had left in us.

Because Tyler weighed under 2.5kg they had to keep him and Andrea over night to keep an eye on them both to make sure they were both healthy enough to leave. Not being allowed to stay after the whole ordeal was devastating for me. All that, my son was finally here... And I only got a couple of hours to spend with them both and had to leave them there and go home for the night without them. In a way I feel as if my sons first night on this planet was taken from me, but I have to keep in mind it was for very valid reasons.

Saying bye and leaving was very hard, very hard indeed. Once I got home and sent the abundance of pictures I had taken of Tyler to our families I sat and thought very deeply. I always knew all this was going to be harder than I could imagine and I always wanted to be as prepared as I could possibly be to take on this journey. Now the challenge has begun.

I'm now not only a dad... I'm a provider... I'm a role model... I'm a protector... I am a father.

Thank you for taking the time to read through this, please do comment with any thoughts, experiences, advice or stories. Next week I will be talking about my first couple of weeks as a father and we can continue to take this journey together.