Not long ago the health visitor visited to check up to see if everything was okay with the baby and that we (more so my partner) were coping alright. It only occurred to me over the past couple days the reason, at times, why I've felt so distant from this whole situation.
Every midwife appointment, every visit, every consultation, even talking to the staff during and just after the birth, I've always left feeling slightly lost, a little disconnected from everything thats happening around me.
My theory has come down to, its how all these people have treated or spoken to me. I don't know if it's because I'm not a husband or the fact I'm a young dad or whether none of these factors play a part what-so-ever and everyone just gets treated this way.
I found that while in the company of these people of various professions, I was practically ignored, they looked through me, I felt like a fly on the wall to another single mum story. The few that did speak to me didn't say much more than; "Are you dad?".
I understand their priorities lie with the baby and the mother due to the experiences they've just had, but at the same time being there witnessing everything and at the same time being treated this way has had quite a negative impact on myself emotionally.
I suppose this is just one of those things that you just have to deal with, let it pass you by and not let it bother you. If anyone else has felt like this I would love to hear from you and likewise if your experience was the opposite, I'm curious to hear people stories and see if it is almost as if men are looked at more as a phase rather than a father.
I know I mentioned last week I'm hoping to develop a few things and I am still working on it, I really want to take this blog to the next level and develop it to try and create the community I mentioned in the very first. I've been spending a lot of time developing some ideas building some foundations and meeting up with different people to help build my vision.
I can't say too much more for now, but hopefully it won't be much longer till I can reveal all. I do need your help! I want this to reach as many people as possible to help as many people in my situation or people in other situations who may still find these blogs helpful. I need everyone who reads to please share, comment, spread the word.
I understand there are a lot of dads/dads-to-be out there who like me are a little clueless and like me are very scared about what is about to happen or is currently happening. Some people admit it, some people don't want to, some don't want to admit it to themselves, but I think at some point were all a little scared. If we can help just one person to ease that fear and give a little help just by seeing someone is experiencing similar things or feeling similar ways, then I think it's all worth it, don't you?
Sorry this blog came a little late like I said I've been very busy on hopefully what will be an exciting future and the next step of the journey for me and I hope you all continue to follow me and join me on this road of parenthood, as I said please do comment and share this around.
Thank You
I actually look forward to reading these. Too many blogs around (including mine) that talk crap, but this is so damn interesting!
ReplyDeleteMy first thoughts, were because I think to them you're 'just' the father. I have no experience in the situation, but from what I gather from society views. I think too many professionals and other people for that matter, have no or little interest in the father. Whether it's because their focus is on the mother and child as you say, or whether they generally don't care. I think there needs to be more emphasis on the father. - I mean all you have to do is look at a few child psychology studies, the vast majority focus on mother-child bonding.
I don't think marriage has anything to do with it in this day and age. I don't think you're too young either. Having a child in your 20's is an acceptable age (if there is such a thing) in my opinion.
Completely agree, it is almost as if the father is the forgotten parent in the whole situation. I'm not saying for a second there shouldn't be all these mother baby things, but it would be nice to see some father baby things out there too! Sometimes I don't think some dads quite know how to bond with their baby, some just hold them and feed them and don't really know what else to do. Where I think society still looks at mothers as if they are all stay at home mums and then looks at dads as if they probably won't be there for one reason or another and just don't bother with them.
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