Not long ago the health visitor visited to check up to see if everything was okay with the baby and that we (more so my partner) were coping alright. It only occurred to me over the past couple days the reason, at times, why I've felt so distant from this whole situation.
Every midwife appointment, every visit, every consultation, even talking to the staff during and just after the birth, I've always left feeling slightly lost, a little disconnected from everything thats happening around me.
My theory has come down to, its how all these people have treated or spoken to me. I don't know if it's because I'm not a husband or the fact I'm a young dad or whether none of these factors play a part what-so-ever and everyone just gets treated this way.
I found that while in the company of these people of various professions, I was practically ignored, they looked through me, I felt like a fly on the wall to another single mum story. The few that did speak to me didn't say much more than; "Are you dad?".
I understand their priorities lie with the baby and the mother due to the experiences they've just had, but at the same time being there witnessing everything and at the same time being treated this way has had quite a negative impact on myself emotionally.
I suppose this is just one of those things that you just have to deal with, let it pass you by and not let it bother you. If anyone else has felt like this I would love to hear from you and likewise if your experience was the opposite, I'm curious to hear people stories and see if it is almost as if men are looked at more as a phase rather than a father.
I know I mentioned last week I'm hoping to develop a few things and I am still working on it, I really want to take this blog to the next level and develop it to try and create the community I mentioned in the very first. I've been spending a lot of time developing some ideas building some foundations and meeting up with different people to help build my vision.
I can't say too much more for now, but hopefully it won't be much longer till I can reveal all. I do need your help! I want this to reach as many people as possible to help as many people in my situation or people in other situations who may still find these blogs helpful. I need everyone who reads to please share, comment, spread the word.
I understand there are a lot of dads/dads-to-be out there who like me are a little clueless and like me are very scared about what is about to happen or is currently happening. Some people admit it, some people don't want to, some don't want to admit it to themselves, but I think at some point were all a little scared. If we can help just one person to ease that fear and give a little help just by seeing someone is experiencing similar things or feeling similar ways, then I think it's all worth it, don't you?
Sorry this blog came a little late like I said I've been very busy on hopefully what will be an exciting future and the next step of the journey for me and I hope you all continue to follow me and join me on this road of parenthood, as I said please do comment and share this around.
Thank You
Friday, 27 January 2012
Friday, 20 January 2012
Colic & Smiles
Just when I thought I was getting to grips with baby screams and realising it doesn't mean they're in pain, Tyler managed to get colic.
Colic
nounsevere, often fluctuating pain in the abdomen caused by intestinal gas or obstruction in the intestines and suffered esp. by babies.
In other words, baby screams and cries a hell of a lot more than usual, unfortunately there's not much you can do to help them immediately. Once we discovered what was wrong we got hold of some gripe water from the shop as quick as we could. Now you're not meant to use gripe water until the baby is a month old, but he was about 6 days away from being a month old and we were only planning on using drops. Now this helped, but not much.
Each scream seemed to last forever and the cries became unbearably upsetting at points to listen to and would come completely at random. One moment he's sitting there happy and the next its like he's been shot, his back arches, his face screws up and out belts this screech of pain.
You want to react, you want to hold him and make it all better, the worst part is knowing you can't, it becomes much harder at night, now not only trying to wake people up, but being half asleep feeding a screaming baby is extremely difficult to do, physically and mentally.
It has made it all that bit more exhausting, draining and difficult to adjust, But hope was not yet lost! My mum mentioned something I remember reading about on some forums on the internet, it's called 'Infacol'. We've found its not only cheaper than gripe water, but it has worked a load quicker and better too!
All the late nights and lack of sleep has really took its toll on both myself and my partner. We have been arguing more because of it and it has put a strain on the relationship, but at the end of the day we both have to remember, we are both very tired, hormones are still shooting round her body and will be for the first 6 months after birth, I'm am now also back at work and trying to find the balance between work and social which can be stressful.
We are both to blame, but the key thing I have found that if both of us can do our best to stay calm, just talk and be open about what is bothering us, then 90% of the time we can have a positive outcome.
Before I dump all over peoples wants for a family and children, it isn't all bad! Tyler is becoming a lot more alert now he can see properly, his reactions are getting better, he's gradually starting to smile more.
Without trying to sound too fruity, I've never felt as much warmth inside as I do when I see Tyler smile. It makes all the hard times and obstacles to overcome worth it just to see his smile.
It makes me determined to do all I can to keep that smile plastered on his face as he grows, and in return there will be a smile always with me too.
Thank you again for joining me on my journey through the 'ever-feared' parenthood.
Please do comment, talk to me, tell me your stories, your experiences, your advice, ask questions and we'll see how we can all help each other.
I'm currently looking at taking this blog to the next level over the coming months, but while I'm developing the idea's I don't want to give too much away and will let you know more as it progresses.
Thank You.
Colic
nounsevere, often fluctuating pain in the abdomen caused by intestinal gas or obstruction in the intestines and suffered esp. by babies.
In other words, baby screams and cries a hell of a lot more than usual, unfortunately there's not much you can do to help them immediately. Once we discovered what was wrong we got hold of some gripe water from the shop as quick as we could. Now you're not meant to use gripe water until the baby is a month old, but he was about 6 days away from being a month old and we were only planning on using drops. Now this helped, but not much.
Each scream seemed to last forever and the cries became unbearably upsetting at points to listen to and would come completely at random. One moment he's sitting there happy and the next its like he's been shot, his back arches, his face screws up and out belts this screech of pain.
You want to react, you want to hold him and make it all better, the worst part is knowing you can't, it becomes much harder at night, now not only trying to wake people up, but being half asleep feeding a screaming baby is extremely difficult to do, physically and mentally.
It has made it all that bit more exhausting, draining and difficult to adjust, But hope was not yet lost! My mum mentioned something I remember reading about on some forums on the internet, it's called 'Infacol'. We've found its not only cheaper than gripe water, but it has worked a load quicker and better too!
All the late nights and lack of sleep has really took its toll on both myself and my partner. We have been arguing more because of it and it has put a strain on the relationship, but at the end of the day we both have to remember, we are both very tired, hormones are still shooting round her body and will be for the first 6 months after birth, I'm am now also back at work and trying to find the balance between work and social which can be stressful.
We are both to blame, but the key thing I have found that if both of us can do our best to stay calm, just talk and be open about what is bothering us, then 90% of the time we can have a positive outcome.
Before I dump all over peoples wants for a family and children, it isn't all bad! Tyler is becoming a lot more alert now he can see properly, his reactions are getting better, he's gradually starting to smile more.
Without trying to sound too fruity, I've never felt as much warmth inside as I do when I see Tyler smile. It makes all the hard times and obstacles to overcome worth it just to see his smile.
It makes me determined to do all I can to keep that smile plastered on his face as he grows, and in return there will be a smile always with me too.
Thank you again for joining me on my journey through the 'ever-feared' parenthood.
Please do comment, talk to me, tell me your stories, your experiences, your advice, ask questions and we'll see how we can all help each other.
I'm currently looking at taking this blog to the next level over the coming months, but while I'm developing the idea's I don't want to give too much away and will let you know more as it progresses.
Thank You.
Friday, 13 January 2012
Long days, longer nights
After what was one of the best nights sleep I've ever had due to exhaustion, I hastily made my way back up to the hospital in the morning. I navigated my way around the endless hospital halls before I eventually found the ward with my partner in. It was very quiet a couple of other mums and babies in there, yet a peaceful silence.
I lent around the curtain to find my partner asleep on the bed, I couldn't help but think; she must be absolutely knackered. Tyler started to stir and slowly wake, so I picked him up and sat by Andrea's side on the bed. After a few minutes she awoke to me sitting staring at this new life in wonder.
After check-ups, hearing tests, reflex tests, etc on Tyler and a check-up on Andrea we eventually got to go home with our new son. The moment we got home and sat down we all had a wave of relief submerge us. Yet we knew the real hard work was yet to begin.
I've always been one of those guys who if I ever held a baby I was fairly scared to move thinking I would break it, but annoyingly the old cliche' when they say; it will all come naturally, in my case was true. I felt so comfortable holding Tyler right from the start.
The first couple of night were very difficult. Tyler was trying to adjust, as were we. I'm not entirely convinced he knew what he wanted half of the time. I can definitely say he is a baby for attention though, as the only way we found we could settle him for the first few days was to hold him.
If you put him down at all the screaming would begin once again. We spent the nights taking shifts, where one of us would stay up while he slept on our chest and the other would get some sleep. After a few hours we would swap, it seemed the only way we could get any rest.
In the day Tyler is a very quiet and content baby, he doesn't need much attention and is just happy to get on with things, but during the night can still be a bit of a pain. We found a way to get him to sleep which sometimes works and sometimes doesn't. We have him lie on the bed with us whilst we calm him and once he falls asleep, we very gently place him back into the moses basket.
Other things which can work on and off is singing to him, playing music to him, rocking him, etc.
So far what I've learnt is, to try and understand what a baby wants, unfortunately is just a case of trial and error, until you begin to understand the routine that they get into and even then it's 50/50 if you're right or not. With this comes a lot of screaming, which is very hard to be around. Not so much because of the noise, but because you feel as if your child is in pain and you don't like seeing them that upset, but you have got to remember, they're not in pain, they just need you to help them with what they want and to help them understand what they need.
Thank you for reading again this week. Please do continue to help me by commenting, sharing your advice, stories, thoughts and experiences. Hopefully you will join me again next week as we continue this journey into life.
I lent around the curtain to find my partner asleep on the bed, I couldn't help but think; she must be absolutely knackered. Tyler started to stir and slowly wake, so I picked him up and sat by Andrea's side on the bed. After a few minutes she awoke to me sitting staring at this new life in wonder.
After check-ups, hearing tests, reflex tests, etc on Tyler and a check-up on Andrea we eventually got to go home with our new son. The moment we got home and sat down we all had a wave of relief submerge us. Yet we knew the real hard work was yet to begin.
I've always been one of those guys who if I ever held a baby I was fairly scared to move thinking I would break it, but annoyingly the old cliche' when they say; it will all come naturally, in my case was true. I felt so comfortable holding Tyler right from the start.
The first couple of night were very difficult. Tyler was trying to adjust, as were we. I'm not entirely convinced he knew what he wanted half of the time. I can definitely say he is a baby for attention though, as the only way we found we could settle him for the first few days was to hold him.
If you put him down at all the screaming would begin once again. We spent the nights taking shifts, where one of us would stay up while he slept on our chest and the other would get some sleep. After a few hours we would swap, it seemed the only way we could get any rest.
In the day Tyler is a very quiet and content baby, he doesn't need much attention and is just happy to get on with things, but during the night can still be a bit of a pain. We found a way to get him to sleep which sometimes works and sometimes doesn't. We have him lie on the bed with us whilst we calm him and once he falls asleep, we very gently place him back into the moses basket.
Other things which can work on and off is singing to him, playing music to him, rocking him, etc.
So far what I've learnt is, to try and understand what a baby wants, unfortunately is just a case of trial and error, until you begin to understand the routine that they get into and even then it's 50/50 if you're right or not. With this comes a lot of screaming, which is very hard to be around. Not so much because of the noise, but because you feel as if your child is in pain and you don't like seeing them that upset, but you have got to remember, they're not in pain, they just need you to help them with what they want and to help them understand what they need.
Thank you for reading again this week. Please do continue to help me by commenting, sharing your advice, stories, thoughts and experiences. Hopefully you will join me again next week as we continue this journey into life.
Friday, 6 January 2012
Tylers Debut
We'd joked for a long time about Tyler being born on christmas day, but I was convinced he would be much earlier. As the days drew ever closer to christmas day I did start to get a little unsettled... What happens if it is christmas day? How do we deal out presents? What's going to happen with birthday parties?... All questions which to be honest are currently irrelevant, yet still plagued my mind at the time.
Christmas day came and no signs of him so I was quite relieved, we had a nice day and settled in for a quiet night... Or so we thought. At 4:30am I was awoken by my partner saying she was getting pains again and she thinks it may be the real thing this time. Having had false alarms and fake contractions (braxton hicks) in the days/weeks leading up to this point I wasn't totally convinced and told her to stay calm, try to rest and we'll see if it progresses this time.
We both settled back into bed... Well I say both, being the time it was and the fact I'd had a couple of drinks during christmas day I didn't find it too hard to drop back off to the land of nod. Andrea on the other hand didn't find it so simple.
An hour or so later I was awoken again to see her clearly in a bit of discomfort. She told me that she hadn't been back to sleep and at this point we were very certain it was now the real thing. Excitement, fear and anxiousness quickly set in as 'what to do?' went through my head.
Still living with my parents I thought it wise to tell them what was happening, my mum came and stayed with us as she was going to accompany us to the hospital.
We tried to stay at home as long as possible as we knew if we go in too early there is a high chance we would of been sent back home. It finally reached a point where we thought we were going to need the hospitals assistance, so we left en route to Coventry hospital.
We found out that she was 3cm dilated when we got to the hospital and the next 2cm took a few long hours of gas and air and contractions to reach the half way stage. From this point everything shifted a gear and within 20 minutes we were 7cm.
We were took into a different room where they started to try to keep an eye on the babies heartbeat. This became difficult with contraction and baby moving so they decided to put a clip on his head to give a more accurate reading of his heartbeat that we could here as clicks. By this point the contractions were getting pretty intense.
We noticed that every contraction, the heartbeat would slow dramatically, sometimes it even stopped until after and then slowly started to pick up again. They didn't say anything, but it was clear by the midwives faces that this was something that was serious.
We were now at 10cm and ready to go, the midwife, still very concerned about the heartbeat hit the emergency button on the wall and told us that a few doctors and midwives would be in just now. There was a lot of noise and people stormed the room with all this equipment and running around and we were pretty clueless to what was happening or about to happen.
All the information we had (which really annoyed me) was a midwife in a calm voice repeating about 4 times "oh, he doesn't seem to want to come out yet, were just going to help him"!
I kept looking back at my mother and then Andrea. My mum had to keep turning away in floods of tears, Andrea was screaming in pain, I was scared and I also felt angry, all this pain and fear and being powerless to help in any way shape or form. It was the hardest and scariest thing I've ever had to do in my life. Even thinking back to it all now makes me emotional.
Tyler got stuck on the way out and the doctor had to make an incision to help, how he got stuck I have no idea as he is only 5lb 5oz, such a tiny baby. The doctor put the forceps on his head ready to help him out when he shot out, the doctor pretty much had to catch him! They quickly cleaned him off a little and placed him on my partners chest.
His eyes wide open, skin a greyish blue colour.. But no noise. Now I'm not usually an emotional person and I am usually quite hard faced, but by this point with all this drama I'm now at breaking point, the scare still isn't over, he hadn't moved, he just looked shocked. We didn't know if our baby was lying there dead or alive.
One of the midwives rushed him back over to a heated table. Whilst they'd started stitching up Andrea we heard one cry from our son. At this point relief hit us like a bus. Even though it was just one cry, we knew he was alive and ok. Everything calmed down at this point, people started leaving the room, the doctor was finishing up the stitches and I got to let go of Andrea's hand for the first time in 4 hours to cut the cord.
By this point I was in floods of tears, tears firstly of fear, now of relief and joy. Andrea already started telling me she didn't remember it because of the gas and air. She said she felt him slip out and felt a huge relief and felt fine. We laughed about it as thats pretty much all we had left in us.
Because Tyler weighed under 2.5kg they had to keep him and Andrea over night to keep an eye on them both to make sure they were both healthy enough to leave. Not being allowed to stay after the whole ordeal was devastating for me. All that, my son was finally here... And I only got a couple of hours to spend with them both and had to leave them there and go home for the night without them. In a way I feel as if my sons first night on this planet was taken from me, but I have to keep in mind it was for very valid reasons.
Saying bye and leaving was very hard, very hard indeed. Once I got home and sent the abundance of pictures I had taken of Tyler to our families I sat and thought very deeply. I always knew all this was going to be harder than I could imagine and I always wanted to be as prepared as I could possibly be to take on this journey. Now the challenge has begun.
I'm now not only a dad... I'm a provider... I'm a role model... I'm a protector... I am a father.
Thank you for taking the time to read through this, please do comment with any thoughts, experiences, advice or stories. Next week I will be talking about my first couple of weeks as a father and we can continue to take this journey together.
Christmas day came and no signs of him so I was quite relieved, we had a nice day and settled in for a quiet night... Or so we thought. At 4:30am I was awoken by my partner saying she was getting pains again and she thinks it may be the real thing this time. Having had false alarms and fake contractions (braxton hicks) in the days/weeks leading up to this point I wasn't totally convinced and told her to stay calm, try to rest and we'll see if it progresses this time.
We both settled back into bed... Well I say both, being the time it was and the fact I'd had a couple of drinks during christmas day I didn't find it too hard to drop back off to the land of nod. Andrea on the other hand didn't find it so simple.
An hour or so later I was awoken again to see her clearly in a bit of discomfort. She told me that she hadn't been back to sleep and at this point we were very certain it was now the real thing. Excitement, fear and anxiousness quickly set in as 'what to do?' went through my head.
Still living with my parents I thought it wise to tell them what was happening, my mum came and stayed with us as she was going to accompany us to the hospital.
We tried to stay at home as long as possible as we knew if we go in too early there is a high chance we would of been sent back home. It finally reached a point where we thought we were going to need the hospitals assistance, so we left en route to Coventry hospital.
We found out that she was 3cm dilated when we got to the hospital and the next 2cm took a few long hours of gas and air and contractions to reach the half way stage. From this point everything shifted a gear and within 20 minutes we were 7cm.
We were took into a different room where they started to try to keep an eye on the babies heartbeat. This became difficult with contraction and baby moving so they decided to put a clip on his head to give a more accurate reading of his heartbeat that we could here as clicks. By this point the contractions were getting pretty intense.
We noticed that every contraction, the heartbeat would slow dramatically, sometimes it even stopped until after and then slowly started to pick up again. They didn't say anything, but it was clear by the midwives faces that this was something that was serious.
We were now at 10cm and ready to go, the midwife, still very concerned about the heartbeat hit the emergency button on the wall and told us that a few doctors and midwives would be in just now. There was a lot of noise and people stormed the room with all this equipment and running around and we were pretty clueless to what was happening or about to happen.
All the information we had (which really annoyed me) was a midwife in a calm voice repeating about 4 times "oh, he doesn't seem to want to come out yet, were just going to help him"!
I kept looking back at my mother and then Andrea. My mum had to keep turning away in floods of tears, Andrea was screaming in pain, I was scared and I also felt angry, all this pain and fear and being powerless to help in any way shape or form. It was the hardest and scariest thing I've ever had to do in my life. Even thinking back to it all now makes me emotional.
Tyler got stuck on the way out and the doctor had to make an incision to help, how he got stuck I have no idea as he is only 5lb 5oz, such a tiny baby. The doctor put the forceps on his head ready to help him out when he shot out, the doctor pretty much had to catch him! They quickly cleaned him off a little and placed him on my partners chest.
His eyes wide open, skin a greyish blue colour.. But no noise. Now I'm not usually an emotional person and I am usually quite hard faced, but by this point with all this drama I'm now at breaking point, the scare still isn't over, he hadn't moved, he just looked shocked. We didn't know if our baby was lying there dead or alive.
One of the midwives rushed him back over to a heated table. Whilst they'd started stitching up Andrea we heard one cry from our son. At this point relief hit us like a bus. Even though it was just one cry, we knew he was alive and ok. Everything calmed down at this point, people started leaving the room, the doctor was finishing up the stitches and I got to let go of Andrea's hand for the first time in 4 hours to cut the cord.
By this point I was in floods of tears, tears firstly of fear, now of relief and joy. Andrea already started telling me she didn't remember it because of the gas and air. She said she felt him slip out and felt a huge relief and felt fine. We laughed about it as thats pretty much all we had left in us.
Because Tyler weighed under 2.5kg they had to keep him and Andrea over night to keep an eye on them both to make sure they were both healthy enough to leave. Not being allowed to stay after the whole ordeal was devastating for me. All that, my son was finally here... And I only got a couple of hours to spend with them both and had to leave them there and go home for the night without them. In a way I feel as if my sons first night on this planet was taken from me, but I have to keep in mind it was for very valid reasons.
Saying bye and leaving was very hard, very hard indeed. Once I got home and sent the abundance of pictures I had taken of Tyler to our families I sat and thought very deeply. I always knew all this was going to be harder than I could imagine and I always wanted to be as prepared as I could possibly be to take on this journey. Now the challenge has begun.
I'm now not only a dad... I'm a provider... I'm a role model... I'm a protector... I am a father.
Thank you for taking the time to read through this, please do comment with any thoughts, experiences, advice or stories. Next week I will be talking about my first couple of weeks as a father and we can continue to take this journey together.
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